Here Echo and Xideka are trying out their costumes for Halloween this year.
Xi is going to use some blue face paint, some high heel pumps, and additional accoutrements for her rendition of The Corpse Bride (as created by Tim Burton), which she has been planning since last Halloween. Echo saw this costume at the thrift store and decided right then that it was just the thing for her. I thought the difference in their approaches to the holiday custom was an apt commentary on their age spread and their individuality.
It reminds me, too, that I want to be willing to parent our girls individually. We, of course, want to be equitable to each of them, but sometimes the best way to be “fair” is to treat them differently. Sometimes the best way to achieve equality is to allow inequality. Sounds like a Zen koan doesn’t it?
It’s a simple truth, but one I am working to remember, because too often I get tricked into thinking the only way to be fair is to always make things “the same” for each of the girls. But that isn’t always what they want, or need. And sometimes doing so is actually unkind.
So I will renew my efforts to see them as who each is, not as a herd of homogenous “kids”. And when one needs to plan things for months, or even a year, and another decides by the week, and the other decides on the spot, I will be ready. I will be more flexible in my approach, and more adaptable in my process. And I will be fair to each of them as individuals with their own needs and desires and ways of moving in the world.
I hope that, if you need it, this will serve to inspire you as well.